You are so stupid!

These are the words that everyone says….not to someone else but to ourselves.

It’s harsh. It’s reality.

But it happens and for some of us we say this on a daily or even hourly basis to bring ourselves down. Our internal conversation that we have is a powerful mechanism, one that can build confidence while also having the ability to shatter us.

A recent conversation sparked the thought process – why are we so hard on ourselves?

A random event typically triggers the negative thought process and the following occurs:

1. We tend to use words such as “I’m stupid”, “I’m an idiot” etc
2. We are very smart….in fact, we are so smart that our brain tactfully links scenarios together from the past and convincingly picks words and sentences to beautiful orchestrate how bad we really are
3. We downplay any positive thoughts. During this negative moment, in our mind, positive thoughts simply do not exist, even though they probably do exist.
4. Within seconds (yes, within seconds!) we have snowballed into a downward spiral and our mind and body wraps around these thoughts and it goes on and on….

Sound familiar?

My opinion is that everyone….. including billionaires, presidents, your boss, teacher, husband, wife or friend goes through this.

Everyone has these conversations.

But everyone manages it differently. Some people need to talk to a friend or anybody about it while others quietly manage it within the confines of their home.

Whatever works best for you, but look to come up with a method that works for you. Here is one:

1. Become aware of your thoughts. What does that mean? Literally, keep a mindful watch of what you are thinking and asking yourself why are you thinking that? Many of us are thinking but not consciously at what we are saying to ourselves. Imagine you are the producer of your own mind and you are watching each scene unfold and listening to every word.

2. Once you become aware of the negative thought, don’t ignore it. Instead, think about it and analyze it. Perhaps make a note of the thought or discuss it with someone safe. I often find that my thoughts are a lot worse in my head and as soon as I start the conversation, the issue is half solved. The point is to not ignore it but rather to pin point the key source of the thought process. Is there a root to the challenge?

We have high standards for ourselves and let’s be honest, your biggest critic is you. Next time you face a challenge like this, don’t be too hard on yourself.

You are much better than you think.

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